Day 2 Without Daddy: Spit Up Central and Feeding Frustration

Published November 20, 2012 by jessicalynndunning

Today was a day filled with vomit…luckily just hers and not mine. (Though there was the moment when Briana threw up down my shirt and into my bra that I came pretty close. Gross!)
Last night was pretty filled with spit-up as well, but I managed to not get any on me. Hallelujah for small favors.

In an effort to keep her asleep in the hours she had previously been screaming, I broke my own rule and woke her at about 11:30 to feed her. Briana fell promptly back to sleep, and slept straight through until 1:30, so mission sort of accomplished. Nature pulled a cruel trick however, and I couldn’t fall asleep! I lay there listening to her quietly breathing, peacefully sleeping, and I was wide awake. *sigh*

I could have used that sleep, too, because once she woke up at 1:30, she didn’t fall asleep again until 6:15. So all I really managed to do was move the start of the screaming from midnight to 1:30. Mission not accomplished after all. Sad day.

Breast feeding is a pain in the…rear. I wasn’t meant for it. I screwed everything up by giving her a pacifier the other night in a desperate bid for quiet. Now she is back to not latching properly, as she tries to suck on my nipple like it’s a pacifier. It hurts, and no matter how many times I try to get her to latch properly, she goes right back to doing the same thing. It makes my toes curl, it hurts so bad. I have been using lanolin cream (I think that’s what it’s called), and that helps some, but not a lot.

Everyone pushes breastfeeding so hard at you, that a) you feel like a failure when you can’t get it right and b) you feel like a bad mom when you contemplate stopping. Everyone says it is such a great bonding experience. At this point, it is so frustrating for the both of us that I feel like it is interfering with bonding rather than encouraging it.

I have come so close to just pumping and giving her a bottle…several times last night and the night before to be sure. But I feel so pressured to keep trying – even though it makes me feel so frustrated and angry that I have to walk away from her sometimes. I worry that I am not feeding her well enough to nourish her, and that is why she is so fussy and unhappy. But then, she spits up so often, I don’t know if I am feeding her too much! *sigh* What is a new mom to do?

All I know is that I spent two hours crying with her last night, and a couple hours crying with her today. I feel like I am not doing a good job, even though everyone keeps saying I am doing a great job with her and that I am a “natural” at this whole mom thing. If I am such a natural, why can’t I figure this out?

Bummed Out New Mommy

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5 comments on “Day 2 Without Daddy: Spit Up Central and Feeding Frustration

  • Awww…Jess. I am thinking of you and Briana, and hoping for better days and nights for you both. I can, and am sure many other moms can empathize with you and how you’re feeling. Talk to someone you trust about how your feeling, use your own good judgement, and your instincts. Do what you need to and what you feel is right for you and Briana…not just what is suppose to be right, but what is right for you two.

    Hang in there girl. 🙂

  • The “right thing” is what works for YOU and your baby. 🙂 Don’t listen to experts. Listen to your gut.I have two little ones and didn’t breastfeed either of them for as long as I wanted to. But it’s okay! They are now 17 months and almost 5 years and are smart as whips, lovely, happy, healthy children. I was told I was a “natural” too. Being a natural doesn’t necessarily mean you breastfeed for months and months. A “natural” means having love, compassion and understanding for your baby AND for yourself. 🙂 Hang in there. It really does get easier!

  • My sister would nurse for 90+ minutes at a time and her daughter would still be screaming for more. So I had her give her a bottle and just pump like she would be feeding and she only produced less than an ounce. So she WAS starving her kid! (but what do I know – I’m just a nurse, not a mom – LOL) So she had to stop. It’s not a great bonding experience if it isn’t good for you both. Hang in there girl – you ARE doing a good job, just stop beating yourself up.

  • Also, I don’t think you messed everything up by giving her a pacifier. Plenty of babies nurse and take a pacifier at the same time. Trust your baby to know the difference between plastic and skin. 🙂 She’s smart, honest. And smart enough to want oxytocin instead of cortisol in her milk. 😀

    (As a matter of fact, at three weeks, the ONLY thing that could give me five minutes before nursing was my husband’s nose. Anything else stopped working after ten seconds. But a nose is the same color (about), texture, and shape (about) as your breast, so that worked. He kept switching positions and trying to latch, because it was supposed to give food, but didn’t!)

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