How big of a deal should one make of Christmas when baby is too young to understand? Briana isn’t into toys yet, and although I’ve read her a couple of stories, she’s obviously too young to really pay attention to anything but my voice. She doesn’t need clothes or blankets or anything like that…she’s pretty well set. My in-laws purchased a baby swing for her and gave it to us early, and she seems to really like it – it puts her straight to sleep, anyway. We’re really greatful…except now I have no idea what to get her from us, or if we should get anything at all.
It’s her first Christmas, and I don’t want to ignore it completely. But I don’t know what to do for her either. I guess I could buy her some toys that are for babies a bit older, and wrap them up for her and put them under the tree. But I still feel like I should give her something that she can use now…as ridiculous and silly as that is. She won’t know the difference, but I will.
Anyway. David and I bought her a stocking yesterday, and it’s hanging up on the mantle above the fireplace with our stockings. The little artificial tree we bought is up and decorated. Aside from the fact that my apartment looks like a tornado ripped through it, we’re ready for Christmas to arrive. Maybe I’ll actually have time to clean tomorrow. I hate it when the apartment is a mess, but Briana takes up a lot of time and energy, and I’ve been feeling too depressed to worry about the mess anyway.
I’ve been trying to be more cheerful the past couple of days, but I feel like I’m mostly pretending. The only time I’m not really pretending is when I’m smiling at my baby girl and making faces at her and talking to her. She makes me happy. I just wish I could shake the gloomy feelings the rest of the time.
David keeps pushing me to leave Briana with his parents for a couple of hours so that we can go out on a date. Dinner and a movie or something. We were actually going to go on Sunday, but David got sick, so we didn’t. I haven’t been able to make myself leave her even for a few minutes to run out to the store. It’s kind of silly I guess – she’s more than a month old. I keep finding excuses not to leave the apartment without her, or just not to go myself. But she’s so little and helpless. I keep thinking “What if she needs me while I’m gone?”
I have to do it eventually…and I better do it soon, because I have to go back to work on January 28th, and I really don’t want the first time I leave her to be the day I go back to work. I don’t think I’d function very well at work if that was the case. 🙂
Maybe tomorrow I’ll make myself run up to the store for just a couple minutes. We’ll see if I actually do. 🙂
Silly New Mommy