All posts for the month June, 2013

I have a new nephew.

Published June 23, 2013 by JD61088

I will be writing another blog about Briana shortly, but Toby is on my mind right now…

On June 20th my nephew, Tobias Christopher Axel was born. He was 7 pounds 12 ounces, 19 and a half inches long, and absolutely perfect and beautiful…other than the fact that he has a heart defect and will have to have surgery within a week.

My brother and sister in law were warned about the heart defect. In fact, they had to switch Doctors and hospitals so that Toby could be monitored and born safely. They knew he would be transferred to Children’s Hospital within a couple hours of being born, and we all had tried to mentally prepare ourselves for Toby’s rough beginning to life.

He has hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Basically, the left side of his heart never fully developed, and the left ventricle can’t do it’s job properly, so the right ventricle has to do it. That’s my understanding, anyway. As I have been told, in addition to the surgery he will have within a week, Toby will need two more surgeries before the age of three.

I held Briana a LOT Thursday and Friday, just loving her and thanking God that I was blessed with a healthy baby, praying for my brother and sister in law, and praying for Toby. There were a lot of tears involved. I hadn’t even met my nephew yet, but I loved him already.

I had expected Toby to look sick when he was born, but the first pictures I saw had me wondering if they hadn’t made a mistake about his heart. He was beautiful and perfect and tiny and cute. He was a normal looking baby. I was glad he looked so healthy, and my sister in laws Facebook updates said that other than his heart, he was doing splendidly.

I was nervous about going to Children’s to meet him, because he is in ICU. I didn’t want to upset my sister in law or brother if I started to cry. I was so afraid I would lose it when I saw him there, hooked up to all the monitors, so when I walked in, I was almost afraid to look.

When I did look, I almost cried, but it was because he looked so tiny and perfect, not because of anything else. He was in an oxygen tent when I saw him – he hadn’t been the day before. They said he was getting too much oxygen and were trying to lower his levels a bit. The hardest thing about meeting this perfect little boy was not being able to hold him and kiss his forehead and introduce him to the love his family already has for him.

As a mother, I very much admire how well my brother and sister in law are handling all of this. They have two little ones aside from Toby, and they’re handling the whole situation much better than I could have in their place, I think. They of course have both sides of the family coming in to support them – all hands on deck, definitely.

If you pray, pray for them. If you don’t, send positive thoughts their way. I am so in love with their newest little man, and every little bit of prayer and thought can only help.

We’re all pulling for you Toby!

A Worried Mama/Auntie






Trading Nights With Daddy

Published June 7, 2013 by JD61088

After my last post, I sat down and had a heart to heart with my husband. I told him I was exhausted and unable to function. I told him I was starting to have fairly violent feelings toward him at night while I was up with the baby and he was snoozing blissfully. I told him he needed to help me.

And he reluctantly agreed.

Now to be fair, he wasn’t reluctant because he disagreed with my reasoning (we’re both working now, I need sleep too, bla bla bla), it was because he didn’t want to give up his sleep. And really, who does? The important thing is that we’re taking turns now.

Of course, since we decided to take turns, she has been sleeping through the night again. (NOT complaining…I just sort of viciously wanted David to experience just one night of what I have been going through for weeks!)

Anyway. I am still bone tired because I haven’t been able to fall asleep lately. But that’s an issue for another day.

Sleep well, my lovelies.

Briana’s Mommy

Sleeping Like A Baby

Published June 3, 2013 by JD61088

I got very lucky with Briana. She started sleeping at least seven hours a night when she was just 6 weeks old. I mean, the times that she was falling asleep were sometimes taxing (between 1 and 3 in the morning), but I was still able to get a solid night of sleep. And she would wake up, get a fresh diaper and a bottle, and then she would go back to sleep…sometimes until as late as noon.

When she got a bit older, she was sleeping from midnight until 8 or 9. Solid sleep. No nighttime feelings or waking up crying. She slept perfectly.

So, for all intents and purposes, I skipped the fog of sleep deprivation from six weeks on. I was tired, but I felt like I had a pretty good handle on it, and thanked my lucky stars that I was blessed with a good sleeper.

Fast forward to the last month of my life.

It started small…the occasional need to rock Bria a back to sleep after she had been in bed for three hours or so. (She suddenly started falling asleep at ten about a month ago, so this meant rocking her back to sleep at 1 or 2.) I thought this was an aberration. I figured it was because we were getting ready to move and the apartment was chaotic and that the stress was getting to her.

Then we had to take a sudden trip to Oregon for a funeral. Her schedule was totally disrupted, and her routine went out the window, and it didn’t resume when we got back because of having to move a second time – we discovered mold in our apartment.

By the time we were all moved (again), poor Briana was so stressed and confused. And her sleep schedule was shot.

David and I have been able to move her back to going to sleep around ten, and that’s great. But my perfect sleeper is no longer a perfect sleeper. She has changed into a very restless sleeper. And she is waking up several times a night.

I feel exhausted to the point of collapse when I wake up in the morning, and run myself ragged all day trying to keep up with my adorable little crawler. And then, instead of being able to rest, I head to work, and come home and do it all over again.

She’s teething. She’s adjusting to me going back to work. She’s getting used to a new environment.

She’s killing me.

She doesn’t just wake up and go back to sleep when I rock her. She wakes up and stays very alert for between one and three hours, and then cries and cries and cries when you try to lay her back in her crib. So we rock. And rock. And rock. And sing. And rock. And then I collapse back into bed and get maybe two or three hours more sleep before she wakes up hungry. I am getting four hours or less some nights.

So, all of that long winded babble comes to this question: how did you deal with sleep deprivation, when you were basically going and going and going 20 hours a day? I am one of those people who functions best on at least 8 hours of sleep, if not more. I can function on six…or even on four for a day or two. But this has been going on for three weeks now, and I am so tired I am starting to make stupid (highly avoidable) mistakes at work…and that’s not a good sign when I have only been back for two weeks. T

Today I gave incorrect change twice…luckily the customers were nice about it…and totally screwed up on another transaction and had to basically void the whole thing and start over. I am normally not that ditzy…I am good at my job! This while thing is frustrating, and I need some advice.

A Very Tired Mommy

P.S. I can’t do the cry it out method. For one thing, I live in an apartment and we have a roommate, and for two, she’s in our room, so I wouldn’t get any sleep anyway. And frankly, I just can’t because listening to her cry and sound so scared breaks my heart.




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