Last night, I was exhausted, and went to bed at midnight. (Highly unusual for me. I’m usually a night owl, almost never in bed before 1 or 2 in the morning. This results in some grumpy, bleary eyed mornings with Briana.) I fell asleep by 12:30.
This morning, I woke up at 6:30, before Briana or David had woken up. I lay there in bed for a while, thinking “She’s sure to wake up soon, she almost always wakes up by 6:30,” but she didn’t stir. I covered her up with her little blankie because she looked chilly, and then I just watched her sleep for a while.
At 7:15 I finally decided to get up, and headed out to write a blog. Of course, as soon as I booted up the computer, she woke up. I heard her on the baby monitor and headed back to the bedroom. As I was walking down the hall toward our room, I saw her little head come up over the side of the crib as she stood up to find mama. She looked so sleepy and adorable in her little kitty footy pajamas. Usually by the time she wakes me up in the morning (“Mama! Mama! Mama! Baba! Baba! Mama!”) she is wide awake, so it was cute to see her looking all sleepy and bleary eyed.
We did the diaper change thing and I grabbed a bottle for her. She snuggled into me and gazed up at me with her daddy’s beautiful blue eyes and long lashes while she ate. She held onto my wrist for a while, and then reached up and touched my face. My heart melted.
Normally, when I’m barely awake and she’s gotten herself all worked up to wake me up (I’m a deeper sleeper than I should be..), after her bottle would be play time. But she was still half asleep, so I headed back to the bedroom, snuggled her close, and lay down in bed with her.
This is something we used to do every single morning when she was a newborn. This is something I’ve not been able to do with her since she became mobile. This is something I cherish, something I will forever associate with contentment and happiness. This is something I MISS. And this morning I got to do it. I got to snuggle my baby girl, laying in bed with her little head resting on my shoulder. She cooed at me, and I kissed her face. She played with my hair. I smelled her sweet baby smell. She snuggled in closer to my neck, and my eyes filled up with tears as all the memories of her first weeks of life rushed over me, and I realized that moments like this were going to be even fewer and farther between as she grows older.
She dozed. I didn’t. I just held her lovely warmth close and relished the unexpected cuddles of my sleepy daughter.
These are the moments you never forget. The ones you hold onto in dark times to get you through to the light again. One of those moments where you get completely overwhelmed by love only a parent can understand, when you’re holding a tiny human being that you love more than anything in the world, and just being there with them is enough.
I love those moments.