I was filling out some pages in Briana’s baby book today and I realized how much things have changed in the last couple of weeks. It’s amazing how quickly she picks up new skills and tries new foods and just…learns. She’s my little learning machine.
I wish I learned as quickly as she did. How to make new friends, how to cook new things, how to get a new job, how to keep my apartment looking decent without nagging at my husband and roommate to just clean up after themselves and do their freakin’ chores for once. If I learned as quickly as Briana, I’d have it made!
I spent a great morning and early afternoon with Miss Bri, playing and chasing and loving. But now she’s taking a nap and I suddenly feel very down.
I’ve been trying to be better about housekeeping lately, but I come home from work late at night and look around and it’s like Instant Bad Mood. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle. That laundry pile never seems to get any smaller no matter how often I wash and dry and fold and hang and repeat. And no matter that I had the kitchen pristine a few days ago…no one has really cleaned up after themselves since, so it’s a mess again. And it will likely stay that way unless I clean it myself or nag my husband or roommate to do it.
We moved back in May and we still have boxes sitting in our dining room. Our dining room is directly in front of our front door. So every time I come home from work, the first thing I see is boxes. And my mind goes “BLEEEEH! UNPACKED! MESSY! UNHAPPY!”
I feel unsettled, and I feel frustrated because I feel like I’m the only one who cares that things are messy. And I hate being in the position where I either have to deal with it staying the way it is and be miserable, clean it all up myself and feel resentful, or nag someone else to do it and be considered a complete nagging witch.
I know that I’m not the only one going through this, and that many people, both moms and dads and people as yet unattached find themselves in similar situations all the time. But this is my life and my feeling of unhappiness, and I can express that without being considered a whiner, yes? Sometimes I just want to scream. I want to say “HELLO! DOES NO ONE ELSE SEE THAT GINORMOUS PILE OF LAUNDRY? AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH EYES? HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO TRIP OVER THE DAMN BOX BEFORE YOU TAKE CARE OF IT?”
I am not the only one who does anything around here. But sometimes, darn it, it certainly FEELS like I am. Because it is a very rare occasion indeed that someone does something without being poked and prodded and harassed about it.
Mama’s feeling pissy today. I want some unasked for help once in a while. I want to come home to a pristine apartment that I didn’t clean. I want it to be all the more lovely and pristine because it was a surprise I didn’t ask for. Is that a pipe dream? Is that crazy talk?
P.S. I know I kind of did a random 180 on you, starting to talk about Bri and then ranting about mess, but I looked around mid-blog and felt the anger seeping in and couldn’t help it.