Today should have been hard. I didn’t sleep last night. Not “I had trouble sleeping” or “didn’t sleep well,” just plain old “I didn’t sleep.” I’m not sure why, though I’m leaning towards blaming the abundance of caffeine that I had late in the day yesterday. Whatever the reason though, today should have been a monster, but it wasn’t.
Briana woke up right after David left for work, which isn’t unusual. Her crib is right next to my side of the bed, and when she grinned over at me laying there (wide awake), I started playing peek-a-boo with her with my sheets. She laughed and giggled and just thought that was the greatest thing. And I guess I did doze off for a few moments then, because the next thing I knew I was having to move her crib further away from the window because she was playing with the blinds.
With that done and safely out of the way, I scooped Briana up out of her crib and kissed her face until she could barely breathe for laughing. She squealed and buried her face in my shoulder and just laughed and laughed. It made my heart so happy to hear her laugh like that. Sheer happiness, unchecked. Babies are good reminders for how one should experience joy.
We did the diaper change/wrestling match thing that has become our morning ritual (“No, Briana, lie still for Mommy. No Briana, you can’t grab the dirty diaper. No Briana, please don’t roll over right now!”), and then I gave her a bottle.
I haven’t really gotten into her feeding schedule lately. Bri is really only eating about four 4 ounce bottles a day now, with three solid feedings in there for good measure. If she wakes up in the night (or early hours of the morning), she sometimes ends up having five bottles, but we only make four and then mix more as needed, since otherwise it can go to waste.
Since she was still acting hungry after the bottle, even though it was about 45 minutes earlier than usual, I went ahead and plunked her in her high chair and got her breakfast ready. Oatmeal, fruit, and yogurt. This morning it was mangoes for the fruit, and so far peach yogurt is all I’ve given her.
Feeding Briana cracks me up. She makes the funniest faces, and the funniest noises, and her face just gets covered in whatever she’s eating, because she is so busy looking around at everything that the spoon frequently hits her cheek instead of her mouth. Feeding time is a fun filled time.
One thing I’ve regretted over the past few weeks is that Briana is too busy to snuggle with me much anymore unless she is really sleepy. But this morning, she wanted to be in my lap, and she just lay there chewing on a toy and reaching up to touch my face every now and again. When she started to get really sleepy again I took her back into the bedroom and got her to go back to sleep. I managed to snag some shut-eye too, but she only slept for an hour or so.
Up we went again. We played and played and laughed and played. We “flew” around the living room, and we knocked things together to make noise, and she cruised all along the furniture and kept trying to step away from the couch and tumbling down and giggling like it was the funniest thing in the world to fall on the carpet. We made a mess and spread all of her toys all over the living room and she crawled from toy to toy to toy faster than I could keep up, lifting each one up to show me before tossing it back on the carpet and crawling to the next. Her energy levels are exhausting, but the sheer delight she takes in everything around her is energizing and fun.
She follows me about the apartment now instead of sitting in the living room and crying when I walk out of the room. I have to be careful when I turn from the dryer with a pile of clean laundry in my arms, or I might step on some tiny fingers. And when I’m in the kitchen, I can’t really cook unless I strap her in her high chair or put her in her activity stand, because I’m afraid I’ll drop something on her by accident and she’ll get burned. Today she “helped” me do the laundry by pulling everything out of the laundry basket while I folded clothes. 🙂
She was just so happy today, and I feel like I was more engaged and energetic with her than I have been in a few weeks – really since I started working again. I’ve been feeling down.
Today wasn’t really abnormal…we always play. But it was such a POSITIVE day, with no meltdowns or crying fits (aside from changing time), and I should have been exhausted and grumpy but I just enjoyed spending time with my little ball of energy before I had to go into work. I felt like I was a good mom today, rather than a depressed mom trying to go through the motions before passing my daughter off to someone else and forcing myself to go to work. I was missing out on the joy because I was focused on the pain of leaving her to go back to work.
Beautiful was just the word that kept coming to mind today when she smiled at me with her cute little one-tooth smile, or laughed with me, or buried her little face against me. “She’s beautiful. Her smile is beautiful. My daughter is beautiful.”
Today was beautiful.
A Beautiful Mommy
These are the only two pictures I managed to get of her today, since she was in perpetual motion!