The last couple weeks have been difficult for me. I withdrew emotionally from everyone around me in an effort to hide how deeply I was affected by my grief over the miscarriage. This included Briana. I had a really tough time holding her for a week or so after the miscarriage, because every time I picked her up to cuddle with her, I’d end up crying/sobbing/weeping. I was grumpy at work and grumpy with my husband and just feeling generally angry at everyone and everything.
In the last couple of days, I’ve started to feel better. I realized I missed Briana, and spent most of Sunday and yesterday morning cuddling with her and playing with her and just being a mommy to her. I think she missed me, too, because she let me cuddle with her for quite a bit longer than she does on a normal day. That little girl is usually way too busy exploring everything to want to spend time cuddling. In fact, today, we cuddled a bit, too, but she wanted to play today, and also napped quite a bit.
It feels good to be “back” even though I never really went anywhere. I’m still sad, but I’ve got the sadness under control, and I feel back to my normal self…as normal as I ever am anyway. 🙂
Briana has been cracking me up. She’s getting quite forceful about what she wants and when she wants it, and David and I have been working hard to curb the “attitude” as much as we can. I jokingly told her the other day she has to wait until she’s at least two to start throwing temper tantrums. She laughed like she actually understood what I said and thought that was the funniest thing she had ever heard. Oy. I’m in trouble.
She’s so close to walking. I know I’ve been saying that for a couple of months now, but we’ve been holding our breaths every time she stands without holding onto something. She’ll do it and act like she’s going to take a step, and then she just sits down and we all start breathing again. I so hope that I am home the first time she takes a step. It will break my heart if I miss it.
She has a third tooth now! Her upper left front tooth has come in. We figured out it had come in when she started clicking her teeth together…almost grinding them. It’s the weirdest sound, and I wish she would stop doing it. I don’t know how to get her to stop though, so…oh well? I can’t wait until we can really see it when she smiles. Right now it’s too tiny. I can only really see it when I’m brushing her teeth.
Briana is completely refusing to eat baby food anymore. She starts fussing and crying if you try to feed it to her. She has this attitude that clearly says “I CAN DO IT MYSELF!” The only exception is her yogurt. She’ll still let me feed that to her, because she can’t eat it with her hands. And with some fruit that she has a hard time picking up because it’s slick, she’ll let me put the pieces in her mouth. But she is so over the purees, thank you very much.
She likes to share her food with us, too, but only if SHE hands it to us. God forbid you reach down and take something off of her tray. She glares and slaps your hand. No joke. She is possessive about her food! But if she reaches up to put it in your mouth, it’s fine, and hilarious. She always smiles and laughs when we let her do it.
One mealtime battle we’ve been fighting is trying to prevent her from throwing food over the side of her high chair for the dog. And keeping her from throwing her sippy cup over the side. She’s nearly brained the poor dog a couple of times, because Faith’ll be sitting there expectantly waiting for food to fall from the sky, and a sippy cup comes flying at her instead. Briana understands that she isn’t supposed to do this. I’ve caught her doing it when my back is turned, and if I turn around and catch her, she smiles at me and puts the food back on her tray.
No one warned me keeping a straight face was so freakin’ hard when you’re trying to be stern with your nearly one year old daughter! And who teaches these babies how to perfect their “I’m so innocent and cute” looks at such a young age?!
And then I feel like such a jerk when I get stern and her face gets all sad and she fusses. She’s got me wrapped around her little finger, but I’m being consistent anyway. I know that’s the most important thing!
I’ve been really concerned about the whole discipline thing. I mean, obviously discipline hasn’t really been an issue as of yet, and right now it’s pretty simple. But once she gets older, it’ll be harder. I guess I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing until it stops working?
Anyway, I’m learning new things every day, just like she is.
We’re going to take her to the pumpkin farm on Thursday. I am super excited, because she wasn’t born until after Halloween last year, so this is the last First Holiday she will experience. She was still a newborn for Thanksgiving and Christmas and such last year, but she DID experience them (well, slept through them anyway), so Halloween is the last big one left! Of course, Thanksgiving and Christmas will probably be more fun this year since she’ll be awake and interested in what is happening. 🙂
I’ll be sure to come back and post pictures.
Briana’s birthday is two weeks from today, and her birthday party is on the 9th. It’s going to be Baby Minnie Mouse themed, and we’ve already purchased (and or been given) nearly everything we need for the party. I’m so excited! I’ll post lots of pictures of the party and decorations!
Don’t forget to go like my Facebook page so you can stay updated on the day-to-day stuff with Bri!
Hope to see lots of new faces over there! Also, don’t forget to follow my new blog! As of November 5th, MisAdventures of a New Mom will be moving over to Mommyhood in Motion at http://mommyhoodinmotion.wordpress.com/ and I’m hoping all of you follow me over there!
Improving as a New Mom