All posts tagged newborn

I have a new nephew.

Published June 23, 2013 by JD61088

I will be writing another blog about Briana shortly, but Toby is on my mind right now…

On June 20th my nephew, Tobias Christopher Axel was born. He was 7 pounds 12 ounces, 19 and a half inches long, and absolutely perfect and beautiful…other than the fact that he has a heart defect and will have to have surgery within a week.

My brother and sister in law were warned about the heart defect. In fact, they had to switch Doctors and hospitals so that Toby could be monitored and born safely. They knew he would be transferred to Children’s Hospital within a couple hours of being born, and we all had tried to mentally prepare ourselves for Toby’s rough beginning to life.

He has hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Basically, the left side of his heart never fully developed, and the left ventricle can’t do it’s job properly, so the right ventricle has to do it. That’s my understanding, anyway. As I have been told, in addition to the surgery he will have within a week, Toby will need two more surgeries before the age of three.

I held Briana a LOT Thursday and Friday, just loving her and thanking God that I was blessed with a healthy baby, praying for my brother and sister in law, and praying for Toby. There were a lot of tears involved. I hadn’t even met my nephew yet, but I loved him already.

I had expected Toby to look sick when he was born, but the first pictures I saw had me wondering if they hadn’t made a mistake about his heart. He was beautiful and perfect and tiny and cute. He was a normal looking baby. I was glad he looked so healthy, and my sister in laws Facebook updates said that other than his heart, he was doing splendidly.

I was nervous about going to Children’s to meet him, because he is in ICU. I didn’t want to upset my sister in law or brother if I started to cry. I was so afraid I would lose it when I saw him there, hooked up to all the monitors, so when I walked in, I was almost afraid to look.

When I did look, I almost cried, but it was because he looked so tiny and perfect, not because of anything else. He was in an oxygen tent when I saw him – he hadn’t been the day before. They said he was getting too much oxygen and were trying to lower his levels a bit. The hardest thing about meeting this perfect little boy was not being able to hold him and kiss his forehead and introduce him to the love his family already has for him.

As a mother, I very much admire how well my brother and sister in law are handling all of this. They have two little ones aside from Toby, and they’re handling the whole situation much better than I could have in their place, I think. They of course have both sides of the family coming in to support them – all hands on deck, definitely.

If you pray, pray for them. If you don’t, send positive thoughts their way. I am so in love with their newest little man, and every little bit of prayer and thought can only help.

We’re all pulling for you Toby!

A Worried Mama/Auntie






Figuring out Christmas with baby…

Published December 12, 2012 by JD61088

How big of a deal should one make of Christmas when baby is too young to understand? Briana isn’t into toys yet, and although I’ve read her a couple of stories, she’s obviously too young to really pay attention to anything but my voice. She doesn’t need clothes or blankets or anything like that…she’s pretty well set. My in-laws purchased a baby swing for her and gave it to us early, and she seems to really like it – it puts her straight to sleep, anyway. We’re really greatful…except now I have no idea what to get her from us, or if we should get anything at all.

It’s her first Christmas, and I don’t want to ignore it completely. But I don’t know what to do for her either. I guess I could buy her some toys that are for babies a bit older, and wrap them up for her and put them under the tree. But I still feel like I should give her something that she can use now…as ridiculous and silly as that is. She won’t know the difference, but I will.

Anyway. David and I bought her a stocking yesterday, and it’s hanging up on the mantle above the fireplace with our stockings. The little artificial tree we bought is up and decorated. Aside from the fact that my apartment looks like a tornado ripped through it, we’re ready for Christmas to arrive. Maybe I’ll actually have time to clean tomorrow. I hate it when the apartment is a mess, but Briana takes up a lot of time and energy, and I’ve been feeling too depressed to worry about the mess anyway.

I’ve been trying to be more cheerful the past couple of days, but I feel like I’m mostly pretending. The only time I’m not really pretending is when I’m smiling at my baby girl and making faces at her and talking to her. She makes me happy. I just wish I could shake the gloomy feelings the rest of the time.

David keeps pushing me to leave Briana with his parents for a couple of hours so that we can go out on a date. Dinner and a movie or something. We were actually going to go on Sunday, but David got sick, so we didn’t. I haven’t been able to make myself leave her even for a few minutes to run out to the store. It’s kind of silly I guess – she’s more than a month old. I keep finding excuses not to leave the apartment without her, or just not to go myself. But she’s so little and helpless. I keep thinking “What if  she needs me while I’m gone?”

I have to do it eventually…and I better do it soon, because I have to go back to work on January 28th, and I really don’t want the first time I leave her to be the day I go back to work. I don’t think I’d function very well at work if that was the case. 🙂

Maybe tomorrow I’ll make myself run up to the store for just a couple minutes. We’ll see if I actually do. 🙂

Silly New Mommy


I am such a slacker…

Published December 9, 2012 by JD61088

It’s been a couple of days since I posted…again. I’m trying not to make a habit of that, but life does get in the way of me blogging sometimes. Can’t imagine why, what with a newborn at home and all. Anyway.

Briana had her one month check up on Thursday. She is 9 pounds 7 ounces now, and is 22 inches long. She is getting so big, so fast. She has grown out of some of her newborn clothes already! Yesterday, I was looking at the picture I took of her when we were getting ready to come home from the hospital, when we had just put on her cute little outfit (and she thought she was absolutely traumatized by the experience). I couldn’t believe how much she has grown and changed in such a short amount of time.

We asked the doctor about her rash. He said it looks to him like she just has really sensitive skin, and suggested 1% hydrocortisone cream to help with the irritation. We haven’t actually tried it yet because she seems to be doing okay, and her rash is fading. But we bought some. And we did put some more calamine lotion on her the other night…it seems to help her a lot.

The last couple of nights, Briana has slept between 6 and 7 hours. This is great. The only problem is, we’re pretty sure that the only reason she slept that long is that she fell asleep on David’s chest and he ended up sleeping on the couch with her like that all night. Before you blast me and tell me how unsafe that is – I know. Except David wakes up every time she so much as twitches when she is sleeping on him. And I checked on them a couple times both nights. Neither one of them shifted, even by an inch.

So…great! She does know how to sleep. The only problem now is getting her to sleep in her own space! *sigh* Went from one problem right to another.

I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately – even aside from Briana I mean. She could be sound asleep and I won’t be able to sleep. I don’t sleep during the day anymore either, so I’m really not getting much sleep at all. I’m having trouble remembering to eat as well. I had to set an alarm on my phone to remind myself! When I do eat, nothing really tastes good to me, so I don’t eat much. One good thing resulting from this is that I have lost all but 11 pounds of my baby weight, and I gained a good 40 pounds while I was pregnant. (I’m pretty sure almost all of it was water weight, but anyway.) The bad part is that, well, I’m not eating.

I think it’s depression related, honestly. I’m not sure if it’s the *insert voice of doom here* POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION or if it’s just “regular” depression, which I’ve suffered from in the past. I don’t think it’s really important what kind it is. The important part is that I keep taking care of Briana, and I’m doing that, and loving almost every minute of it. I can’t pretend that being sleep deprived and feeding her at two in the morning is fun, but I can tell you that even in my foggy, sleep-deprived state, when she looks up at me with her great big blue eyes, I fall in love all over again with her. So at least my depression, whether postpartum or “regular” isn’t affecting my ability to care for my precious baby girl.

Today I went and hung out at my in-laws house while David went off to work on his hobby at the hobby shop. I didn’t feel like hanging around the apartment and feeling frustrated all day because I didn’t have help, so I decided their house was the better way to go. They decided to give Briana her Christmas present early, so now we have one of those cool baby swings that swings automatically when you turn it on and plays music and such. Awesome! Except that’s what I told my dad and grandma we needed for her, so now I have to warn them not to get one. 🙂 Oh, well. We built it at their house and put her in it for a few minutes. She seemed to really enjoy it.

I feel like this blog is going nowhere today, and it’s already pretty long. I’ll try to write a more interesting blog tomorrow for you all.

(Kind of Depressed) New Mommy

Lavender Girl



“So much baby stuff!!”

Published November 29, 2012 by JD61088

David and I were sitting in the living room tonight, with Briana sleeping in her little rocker thing, and David started shifting around because he was sitting on something. He reached around and pulled out a burp cloth. Then he reached around the other side and found a receiving blanket, and behind him, a baby bottle. He put on his best “woe is me, I’m being dramatic” voice, and said “SO much BABY stuff!”

Our apartment really has been taken over by baby items. And every time I clean up one mess, ten more develop, so it’s not that we’re slobs, it just seems like her stuff keeps taking over every location not dedicated to something else in our space! I keep finding burp cloths in the weirdest places. In our bed, under our bed, in between couch cushions, on the floor in random places…they multiply! And bottles do the same thing, although they don’t usually end up under our bed, in our bed, or in random places on the floor. They’re just multiplying in the living room and kitchen. Good grief! Our life has been taken over by baby supplies! 🙂

Briana is totally worth it, however, so I’m not too worried. Last night was not quite as rough as the night before, but was still pretty difficult. She just wouldn’t stay asleep. She was quieter about it though. She just didn’t like being put in her bassinet. She would sleep if I was holding her. People keep warning me about “spoiling” her by holding her while she sleeps too much, but according to the pediatrician (and What To Expect The First Year), that’s not true for an infant so young. In fact, both the doctor and the book say that the more quickly you respond to your infant when they are this young, the more secure and independent your baby will be when she gets a little older. So we’ll see.

I’ve been trying to comfort her without actually picking her up out of her bassinet to see if she would go back to sleep without all the jostle and movement of me picking her up. It would work for a minute or two, but in the end, she always wanted to be held. I am wondering if she is cold, because our room can get kind of chilly at night. We have her wrapped in receiving blankets, but she wiggles her way out of those with all of her kicking and arm waving and wriggling around. We bought some warmer pajamas for her yesterday, so we’ll see if those help at all tonight. (It seems unlikely that this is why she keeps fussing, but I’ll try anything at this point. :))

This morning she kept spitting up. A lot. She threw up on me several times in the wee hours of the morning, and then, as I was rocking her this morning when David was getting ready for work, she spit up all over my hands, arms, shirt, and the freakin’ sheets on the bed. I swore. Not at her, just because I had hit my spit-up tolerance limit. “Are you freakin’ kidding me?!” David asked me what was wrong from the other room. He came in and found me basically sitting in a puddle of spit-up, near tears, and yet again exhausted from a night with no sleep. He assessed the situation. He picked up the phone. And he called in to work and told them he needed to stay home. Then he took Briana, changed her diaper and her outfit, told me to get something to eat, and then to go to bed.

I felt guilty about him missing work, but I was too tired to argue. I ate a (highly nutritious :)) bowl of Rice Krispies, changed pajamas, and crawled into David’s side of the bed, since my side was gross and wet, and fell straight to sleep. I was too tired to change the sheets (although that will be happening before bed tonight). I slept until 2:30, and I only woke up because my boobs were saying “hey stupid, you need to pump.” Ahhh….Glorious sleep…followed by being a milk cow. (Feels like that some days anyway!) My husband is the best. I feel much refreshed by the equivalent of a full nights sleep (or close to one anyway), and plan on getting another nap after I post the blog. So hopefully tonight will be easier.

I read Briana a story today for the first time. Bear Snores On. It’s a cute one. I know she doesn’t understand the story, but she sat there in my arms and stared up at my face while I read it to her, listening to my voice. She looked very content and sleepy, and like she felt safe and happy, and that made my heart happy. She makes my heart happy, no doubt about it. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful little baby, even if she does keep me up all night. My husband is a blessing, too…I don’t think I would have made it through today if he hadn’t stayed home. Not without hysterical bouts of sobbing brought on by total exhaustion anyway.

One day at a time…

Still a Tired New Mommy

We were trying to get a good picture of her in her cute Minnie outfit, but she didn’t feel like having her picture taken…

Well, the night shift was brought.

Published November 28, 2012 by JD61088

I was perhaps a bit too enthusiastic when I titled my blog yesterday as “Bring on the night shift.” The night shift was most certainly brought last night, and even with a couple of (very long) naps during the day and early evening hours, I was unprepared for an awake and fussy baby from 1:30AM to nearly 9:00AM. I did okay until roughly six in the morning. She had finally fallen asleep at about 5:45. I needed to get a small snack and then I crawled into bed…she woke up five minutes after my  head hit the pillow, and I kind of wanted to scream. David was getting up for work at that point, and he tried to help me a bit, but he had to get a shower and get ready to leave.

The thing was, she wasn’t fussy per say. She just didn’t want to sleep. She only got fussy when I set her down. She was spitting up an awful lot, but I think that is just because she eats so fast…I try to get her to slow down, but she is a voracious little thing. All the bottles that we have are slow-flow nurser bottles, so I can’t do much else to get her to slow down other than take the bottle away for a few moments here and there. She drinks so fast sometimes that she starts to choke. Silly girl! Anyway.

David left for work just before seven, and our roommate left just before eight. I gave up on sleep at that point and carted her out to the living room. I fed her, changed her diaper, and set her down in her little rocker/sleeper thing. Then I pulled out my iPhone and turned on that song by Darius Rucker, “It won’t be like this for long.” I played it three or four times, because I really needed to be reminded that this phase wouldn’t last forever. I sang along with the song, and actually started to get teary eyed because as much as I want this phase to hurry up and pass, I will miss her being so tiny and adorable and delighting at each and every new thing that she does.

Miracle of miracles, Darius Rucker and I singing our duet put Briana to sleep! I tiptoed away and pumped (I hadn’t been able to since 3:30 in the morning, when I finally had to wake up David so he could feed her while I pumped). Then, as quickly as I could, I soaped down the pump parts that needed to be washed, lay them out to dry, used the restroom, changed my shirt because she had spit up all over me (again), and took an ibuprofen. Next, oh so carefully, I lifted her out of her sleeper in the living room and moved her to her bassinet in the bedroom. I crawled under the covers, held my breath, waiting for her to wake up. She didn’t. *sigh of relief*

Next thing I knew, David was home on his lunch a little after noon. She woke up wanting food and a change, and David covered her face in kisses before he left again. He misses her so much when he has to go to work. After she ate and got a clean diaper, she and I went back to bed and didn’t wake up until four o’clock. I was hoping David would be home soon, since he was off work at the same time we woke up, but he ran late and didn’t get home until five. By that time I had been spit-up on four or five times, and it had run all down my arms and gotten in my hair, and all I wanted was a shower!

Who knew how much of a mini-vacation a shower could become when you become a mom. Twenty minutes of glorious time to myself! Nobody crying or needing a poopy diaper changed, or screaming, or puking down my shirt. Woo hoo!

David did his best to keep Briana awake once he was home from work, but she absolutely refused to wake up. We even put a cold pop can up against her tummy. She made a face but wouldn’t open her eyes! *sigh* I’m in for another sleepless night, I can tell!

Anyway, I am heading to bed now, hopefully to get a couple hours of sleep before David heads to bed and my shift starts again. Sorry this blog rambled on so much…I feel like I get boring sometimes. 😛

Tired but Determined New Mommy

My husband, holding our baby girl.

It’s not all bad…

Published November 25, 2012 by JD61088

I realized last night that most of my blogs have been complaints about the terrible nights with Briana, and complaints about breastfeeding. Of course, being Briana’s mommy is not all terrible moments. The terrible moments are far outweighed by the happy moments, proud moments, and moments of amazement.

I knew that time would fly once she was born, but I hadn’t fully grasped what that meant until I brought her home. When she was born, she was already holding her head up a bit for a few seconds at a time. As wobbly as it was, it was still pretty amazing, considering how tiny she was. Now, she is twenty days old already, and holds her head up and looks around, and pushes herself further up your chest with her feet. She is awake for longer stretches every day, looking around at the world with her daddy’s beautiful eyes. She is fascinated by lights, and it’s pretty fun to watch her stare at nothing on a wall and try to figure out what caught her attention. And I swear she grows bigger and stronger every single second of the day! I can’t believe how much she has grown already. I almost cried last night. I was looking at her and I started to get misty eyed. David asked why and I said “She’s getting so big already! I’m not ready for her to get big yet!” Lucky for me, my husband is a nice guy, and he didn’t laugh at me. He just put his arms around me and told me that we “have quite a while with her yet.” What I thought in response, but didn’t say, was “Not so long…it’s gonna fly.”

I love being a mom, and I love being a “family” instead of a “couple.” I love watching my baby sleep, and rocking her, and kissing her little face. (And watching her facial expressions after I cover her face with kisses isn’t such a bad thing either…she always looks confused. :)) I love how every moment brings something new or precious or unexpected. I love watching David take delight in her every action, and I love listening to him talk to her and praise her and watch his face as he watches her. I love how much love has entered our lives since Briana was born.

Life as a mommy is pretty amazing, and I am so excited to experience all of it, whether good or bad.

Amazed New Mommy

Thanksgiving Day and Today

Published November 23, 2012 by JD61088

I wrote a big long blog post about Thanksgiving Day and the crazy night that followed for Briana and I, and Word Press ate it. For some reason the post didn’t automatically save as a draft like it usually does. I have spent the last ten minutes trying to find it, and it is just…gone. This is a bummer, because I thought it was a particularly good post, and I don’t think I’ll be able to get it exactly right again.

The basic gist of the post was that Briana woke up at 6AM on Thanksgiving Day and refused to go back to sleep. So I was awake with her and trying to get myself ready for the day and then get her ready, all while daddy slept, because he was sick and he had to work that night for “Black Friday” even though it wasn’t Friday yet. (Don’t get me started on retailers opening on Thanksgiving just so they can make more money, or on the people who actually shop on Thanksgiving Day…) He was going to show up later, just in time for dinner, so that he could get some more sleep.

I had never taken Briana anywhere without my husband, so I was freaking out a little bit about getting her out the door and to my Dad’s house without making any dumb mistakes. We did make it there in one piece, however, and I survived not being able to see her in the van. (Either David or myself had been riding in back with her any time we went anywhere, so I hated not being able to see her face and make sure she was okay while I was driving. I think I’m going to invest in one of those mirrors that hangs on the seat so that you can see your baby in the rear-view mirror.)

Briana slept through most of her first Thanksgiving, being passed around to different members of the family like a football. I spent most of the day chatting with my (completely awesome) Aunt Julie and Uncle Tom. They have an eight year old (my favorite cousin), and I really value their input and advice, and just enjoy hearing stories about funny things that happened with my buddy when he was a baby. Julie is hilarious, and she always tells the truth with no sugarcoating when it comes to parenting, which I find refreshing and helpful. It makes me feel not quite so bad when I have a bad day with Briana.

Briana slept for five hours straight at my dads house, then woke up just long enough for a diaper change and a meal before going back to sleep. I knew I was going to regret that later in the evening, and I was completely right. She slept peacefully right up until the moment I walked in the front door at home, and then she woke up and started screaming. Since I had a migraine and had been awake since 6AM and it was now 11PM, this was incredibly frustrating, and painful. Every time she shrieked it felt like someone was hitting me in the face with a hammer while simultaneously squeezing my head in a vice. Not a good thing.

I fed her and burped her and changed her, and she was quiet for about half an hour and then started screaming again. Since she had only eaten off of one side (though at least she emptied me on that side), I thought “Maybe she’s hungry again…” Turns out, she was. She drained my other side too! Well, then she got fussy and gassy, so that set off another round of screaming. It took forever to calm her down from that, and then it was a diaper change, and then it was her being hungry again, and then repeat the whole cycle.

I tried to stay calm, but it’s hard when you have a migraine. The most I could manage was quiet crying instead of hysterical sobbing, and talking quietly to her (really alternating between singing and begging her to be quiet) instead of screaming right along with her. When David called me at 2AM on his second lunch (at my request), I was in the middle of feeding her yet again, and I had a complete breakdown on the phone with him. I had been awake for 20 hours and I was exhausted, I still had a migraine, and Briana just wouldn’t settle down!

David told me that he was going to leave at 3:30. “That’s when I’m scheduled to leave, and if they give me grief over it, I’ll tell them that I have a wife at home who has been awake with a fussy baby for over 20 hours and they can just deal.” I told him not to get fired, but that I would greatly appreciate him getting home as soon as possible. He made a few suggestions to help calm her down, and Briana could hear his voice coming from the phone. I swear to goodness it seemed like she was reaching for the phone, and she started wiggling around. I put it on speaker and he started talking to her (basically pretending to scold her for giving me such a hard time) and she kept looking at the phone and then looking around all confused. I think she recognized his voice and was wondering where daddy was. Maybe I’m just dreaming, and she was just listening to noise. But I can pretend that she was listening to her daddy.

She eventually lost interest when she didn’t spot daddy anywhere, so I told David I would let him get back to work. He promised he would be home as soon as possible, and I hung up. I remember burping her and laying her down on the bed next to me, and I vaguely remember putting the pacifier in her mouth in hopes that she would be quiet long enough for me to get ten minutes of sleep.

David says he got home at about 3:45, and that he found me completely passed out with Briana lying in bed next to me, halfway asleep. He picked her up and held her for a few minutes, and then put her in her bassinet. She didn’t wake up again until nearly seven, thank goodness.

Today I played the “wake up long enough to feed and change the baby and then go back to bed” game. Especially since David was sleeping so that he could work tonight, I felt like I deserved the rest. All three of us woke up at about 3:00 when she was hungry again. David and I stayed awake after she was fed and changed though…Miss Briana did not.

I am hoping that tonight isn’t so difficult. David isn’t leaving for work until 10:00, so I plan on getting a nap in before he goes, just in case…No more 20 hour marathons for me, thank you very much!

Sorry I didn’t post anything yesterday, but you know, it was a holiday and Briana didn’t give me much time to spend on the computer. 🙂 Thanks for continuing to follow along with my (Mis)Adventures.

Tired New Mommy

This outfit also had brown striped pants that had a picture of a turkey on the butt. So she was Mommy’s Little Turkey Butt yesterday. 😀


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